face value - part 2

In some cultures, it's considered normal to read backwards. For the rest of us who need to start with face value - part 1, here's technology to the rescue. Click.

Here I go again – breaking up personality types on Facebook and gouging chunks out of my friend list. I promised you last week that I would get to the bottom of a category that does the same with facts. Here you have it.

The piles-to-show-before-I-sleep type

Any apprehension that you might feel about the term piles is ummm… justified. But then again, if you have friends who belong to this personality type, you are used to seeing much worse on news feeds.

People of the piles-to-show-before-I-sleep type believe their lives are courtroom dramas and that every moment is an opportunity to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Do not make the mistake of thinking that everyone of this personality type has been weaned on the same truth drug. Here’s a sub-classification based on which part of the oath these truth seekers prefer.

The truth sub-type: Truthful to the core (and I do mean core), these people fervently and regularly spill the beans on your home page. There’s a theory floating around that they don’t really spill beans but consume them in large amounts.

You learn a lot by just reading these people's updates. For instance, you find out exactly how long upset stomachs last and the multi-sensory effects they’re capable of. You know which of your friends’ friends had one too many last night and which one is planning to put in her resignation letter next week.

The whole truth sub-type: These people’s ancestors are rumoured to have inspired the birth of holistic health sciences. You find this easy to believe when you see the passion with which they include every scrap of body (every appendage, however vestigial), mind and soul in the term ‘self. Naturally, a question like ‘what are you doing right now?’ cannot be answered in less than a wholesome paragraph.

At 1 am in the morning, they won’t just tell you they’re still counting sheep. They will tell you how many sheep, which ones were sheared and how nauseous the mottled ones made them feel. They will also keep updating their status every few minutes as the sheep count increases.

If you want further proof that you’ve got one of these people on your friend lists, ask them what a précis is. Most of them think it’s a term for an ironed outfit.

Nothing but the truth sub-type: These people display incredible courage in their pursuit of the truth. Ask them to choose from interesting, witty, fun and truthful, and their unflinching choice remains truthful, however boring it may make them.

Sadly, this uncompromising honesty limits the answers these people have to the status question. They're cornered into telling you that they’re at the computer, looking at the screen or updating their status. Another sign of courage of these heroes among personalities is that each one would rather watch friends die painfully of boredom than give up the truth.

Next: Life at punpoint