tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37604980269828226412024-02-07T07:58:24.592+05:30born of chaosgaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-39684975057639666142012-02-25T00:24:00.000+05:302012-02-25T00:24:00.887+05:30Fried day<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Today has been a rough day.<br />
<br />
My 4 year old was to go on a field trip and the usual morning rush was accelerated to 32x. We raced through showers, breakfast and the drive to the school, until the moment when everything came to a standstill. Not exactly a standstill, because the front right wheel of the car was still spinning, as I drove the left one into a huge manhole. I use the term manhole euphemistically, because actually, it was a huge crater where a couple of tiles covering a river of sewage had just fallen in. So there we were, teetering at an angle of at least 20 degrees above the underground world of sewage. Has the car fallen down, my child giggled. Sort of, I said, before I jumped out of the italicized car.<br />
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By the time I dropped my daughter off and came back to the car, a small crowd had collected to watch our desi version of the tower of Pisa. Which was the luckiest thing that could happen, because these very same people picked up the front of the car and hoisted it out of the hole in the ground. I drove off to my favourite coffee shop for some r & r, and a long awaited brunch with my sisters.<br />
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Minutes after I had bragged about my buddha-like calmness while handling the car episode, the school called. My daughter had refused to get into the bus, and had decided to stay back at school instead. They said she was calm now, which didn't leave much about the past hour to the imagination. My calm mask slipped considerably as I rushed back to school, slowing down only near the crater. <br />
<br />
And then things degenerated further. A soggy lunch at mcd (clearly the trauma of the morning had left my child's passion for happy meal toys untouched), a sister getting stressed out about getting delayed for work, and a crazy rush to drop my other sister off to her bus to mumbai (which included two evil arguments during the drive) followed.<br />
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And then, as we were returning, I spotted a small bicycle shop. I stopped the car, this was the closest I had got to my new year resolution to exercise regularly. We walked in, and behind a curtain of crotch guards and strange gloves was a man. A lean, toned man, the kind who instantly makes other people suck in their paunches and stop breathing. I asked him without pointing (my arm jiggle has graduated to an oscillation to rival church bells) about a couple of the things on sale. We chatted for a while about cross country cycling spots in the city, and the biking group he belonged to. I told him that I owned a bike that hadn't been ridden for a while, and he asked for my number so that he could update me on biking events.<br />
He also asked me when I had bought my bike and where. When I told him, the man got very animated. "Bring it here" he suggested excitedly. "We'll service your bike for you. It's not often that we get a chance to look at vintage models".<br />
This was the worst blow of the day. What did they call owners of vintage bikes? Victorian? Neanderthal? I swear I felt distinctly arthritic as I walked out of the shop, clutching my child's hand for support. The only bright spot is that I'll forget all about this very soon... isn't short term memory the first thing to go when you age? <br />
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</div>gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-22565681774512620512012-02-09T21:56:00.001+05:302012-02-09T21:57:56.625+05:30sacred rice<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Three days ago, I was surreptitiously comparing features of new phones, while my old waterlogged faithful was gasping in a container of rice.<br />
<br />
Well, it worked!!! The rice trick I mean, not the surreptitious comparisons.<br />
<br />
The ring sounds a bit nasal, but that's not shocking, after hours in cold water. The screen shows a marbled pattern that doesn't belong to any wallpaper of htc or for that matter any brand, but I could get used to it.<br />
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Everything else actually works. The phone, the net, my mail, and yes, I also know that the temperature in Fareham is 1 degree! <br />
<br />
I am so impressed by the accuracy of the advice on the net, that I am now seriously considering taking my credit card for a surf. Maybe we could drop by on all those sites that promise flat stomachs, instant wealth and eternal youth... <br />
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</div>gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-27958522103819800012012-02-06T21:49:00.005+05:302012-02-07T00:49:05.303+05:30my wildfire just got extinguishedI’ll confess right at the start that I have never been one to fearlessly embrace the cutting edge of technology; I am more often than not gingerly clutching the wooden, riveted handle. <br /><br />By the time I bought my first smart phone, the android revolution had long stopped being a revolution. But inside my cosy cocoon of elderly gadgets and appliances, my little HTC Wildfire (bought, unknowingly, weeks before the model was declared obsolete by the manufacturer) was all set to start its own revolution. <br /><br />I learnt the hard way that bragging about my new acquisition was out. I mean it can be a bit tiring to intercept amused smiles and sniggers when you enthusiastically ooh over mailing pictures to people without once touching your laptop (I use the term laptop fondly for a machine that’s only slightly older and heavier than my 4 year old daughter). <br /><br />But it's amazing how my own smartness quotient has been boosted by my phone.<br /><br />I know now that what’sapp isn’t a greeting with two spelling mistakes. That android market isn’t a shop that sells toy robots. And that the best things in life are still free, especially if you like to be quoted. I have this tom cat who reminds me of a colleague in meetings with his boss. And this personal echo came to me at no cost from the above mentioned android market. <br /><br />Then there have been fringe benefits like learning to make detailed schedules of how I should spend my days. Even the fact that I don’t follow any of the events can’t dampen the thrill of seeing my plans transfer themselves to Outlook via Bluetooth on my …um… computer. And Outlook, that was another first for me, to figure out that the word is not just a part of a dismissive statement to be used when you’re losing an argument, as in ‘Oh (said coldly). Is <span style="font-style:italic;">that</span> your outlook…”<br /><br />But all these things are the stuff you sometimes find stuck to eggs, compared to what I discovered this evening. <br />Apparently, while immersion and deep dives are good things for human brains, they are not, for android intelligence. So if you sink your impossibly muddied gardening pants in a bucket of water, as I did a few hours ago, you have to make sure your phone isn’t in one of the pockets. <br /><br />As I write this, my dismantled phone is resting in an airtight plastic container full of rice. I am informed that rice is a desiccant, by lots of people on the net who have written about how it worked to restore their phones. They have also written about their phones being in water for anything from a couple of seconds to a few minutes. (Mine had been soaking for an hour and a half, and I had blamed the long silence on my unpopularity). <br /><br />I’ll know by tomorrow, if the tip works. But either way, I’ve got a lot to look forward to. <br />If the phone stays dead, I’ll have to get another one. It will be my second phone in 6 months, just like those early adopter types. Fancy that. <br />And if the phone pings back to life, I’ll be able to figure out the exact temperature in Taipei, and cloud status in Tokyo. And if I scroll up, I’ll even know what the weather is like in my own city. If that’s not smart, what is?gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-17730861866956067922009-11-05T01:51:00.004+05:302009-11-05T02:05:31.298+05:30scrabble rouser<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Yesterday, I got hit on and dumped, all in the course of an online game of scrabble. It could have been the shortest chick flick plot ever, but a few things came in the way.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p>
<br /></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">For one, the person in question knew words like myxo and tithe, but probably hadn’t run across heterosexuality. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">But then again, hindsight says she might have a weakness for the word options. Because she asked: “Are you male or female?”</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I’ve been called a tomboy in my childhood, but this was taking things a bit far. In my shock, I forgot all about the 6 letter word I had lined up, and scooted to my profile to look for signs of waxing neglect.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Female” I replied as huffily as I could in a chat box without font options. In my eagerness to set the gender issue right, I also ended up sacrificing a precious s on an unworthy word.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The event box pinged again with the word titups. Evidently, the woman chose her words with care. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style=""> </span>“Do you enjoy being anonymous?” she asked.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">A role player, I thought, before relief hit me like a triple word bingo. I had recently altered some fb settings on the advice of a chain mail (did I mention that my middle name is lemming?), which had turned my name to Anonymous, and my picture to an androgynous silhouette. I was so pleased to know that I wouldn’t have to spend my life savings on hormone therapy that I blabbered foolishly about the settings issue.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Yes, I know it was foolish. Haven’t I just said so myself?</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“You’re cute.” said the hitter. “I’d like to see what you look like.”
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">How does a person who doesn’t know my name, profile or face decide I’m cute? It has to be my brilliant game, of course! I scrolled up to find evidence of my cuteness, past shameful three letter words and single digit scores till I reached… well… the beginning of the game.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">What followed were requests to add the above mentioned person as a friend (“at least for a few hours”), questions about sexuality and pleas to reveal personal info.
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<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I didn’t answer any of these queries. I couldn’t. I just wasn't cute enough. Yet. I hovered around a ‘j’ like it was a phone the morning after a date. I twisted letters like hair curling bendies till they made 7 letter words. I opened dictionary tabs to validate long words that could make false eyelashes look stumpy.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Just as my cuteness score started looking respectable, it petered again to zero.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The woman I was playing had hit forfeit. Abruptly and cleanly, like a model break.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I should have been heartbroken, or at least miffed, but all I could think of was that forfeit made a great 7 letter word.</span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-58025002338154954282009-10-11T23:44:00.003+05:302009-10-11T23:51:15.745+05:30the lost symbolism<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">On Friday, I carefully engineered a casual stroll into a bookstore. Most of us have done the carefully casual ensemble and the carefully casual interest thing, but this was a first for me.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I walked purposefully past the cash counter to the fiction section, then stopped by at the humour aisle, and spent a purposeful 90 seconds skimming over travel. <span style=""> </span>After a respectable amount of time on non-fiction and discounted books, I walked back past the cash counter to study the new releases.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">That’s untrue. I studied one new release. Still untrue. I already knew what the cover looked like and what the back and fly leaf said, so it was more a grab with a shifty look around.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">And then I felt like a fraud.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Like the near obscure author who when questioned about his literary favourites, sneered that he didn’t read the likes of Chetan Bhagat. Or like the people in the audience who tittered in agreement. (Months after the episode, Bhagat continues to occupy the best seller shelves, and the obscure author continues to be just that. Obscure. I like to think I helped the situation in a tiny way by not buying a copy of his book).</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Or like all those people who when seen with pulp fiction, launch into an explanation about taking a break between two profound literary masterpieces. Or about needing mindless entertainment on long flights.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">All the film makers who turn up their noses at academy award winners. It’s just politics, they say.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The stick figures on the big screen who claim to eat like the rest of us.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">University toppers who claim not to have spent enough time studying.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Chee. There are enough of those in the world.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I carried the book to the cashier and slapped it on the counter.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Oh, you’ve bought the new Dan Brown have you?” A woman who was next in line purred at me. She was wearing an expensive dental job and a priceless smirk.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Yes” I answered with more enthusiasm than was strictly necessary. “I enjoyed his earlier books, and can’t wait to start this one.”</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Yeah, he’s … well… interesting”, she said. “But I think I’ll wait for the paperback”.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“You’ll wait six months” I answered, feeling the smirk transfer itself to my face.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">A couple of browsers turned to eavesdrop openly.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I smiled and nodded at them all and left the bookstore with my new book. </span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-52825380613557057902009-09-25T00:13:00.003+05:302009-09-25T00:20:21.161+05:30dark secrets<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Nurture felt slightly nauseous as Nature dunked a gulab jamun in a pool of syrup. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">She looked away from the pulpy mass and focussed on the task at hand. She had to teach Nature to say lurrrve, and judging by the subject’s inordinate fondness for sweets, the best way seemed to be with a dessert. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style=""> </span>“I think it’s time you graduated to a more sophisticated dessert, like dark chocolate.” she spoke firmly. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“I can’t. It’s not sweet”, Nature replied cheerfully, as she swallowed the gulab jamun mash. “And my family genes forbid me to ingest any dessert that doesn’t come with a diabetes guarantee card”. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“It’s a cultivated taste you know” Nurture spoke with a confidence born of centuries of success with white mice, rhesus monkeys and drooling dogs. “Come on, try some”. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“I’ve tried it” nature said, as she looked longingly at nurture’s untouched bowl. “But my ancestors got together and made me gag. Especially my great uncle – have I told you how he once ate 20 laddoos at a…”. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Yes, many times.” Nurture interrupted, insensitive to family ties of mere protein. “It’s usually followed by the story about some glutton who used to have no space in his thali for pooris when he served himself shrikhand”.<span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Nature looked a bit miffed at having her family tree squeezed into two stories. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“I remember them because they’re fascinating stories” Nurture rushed in to make amends. “But the past is… well, predictable. Where’s your sense of adventure?”</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“That was bred out generations ago.” Nature replied sadly. “My dad’s idea of adventure comprises using both hands to move pieces on a chess board. My mum feels the thrill of a bungee jumper when she bargains her way to two free bunches of coriander”. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Ok so forget adventure then” said Nurture. “What about being cool? Don’t you want to be one of those elitists who discuss the finer nuances of complex flavour profiles?”</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“I do”. Nature admitted, influenced by a few stray but powerful genes from an aunt who in the 70s, had served caramel custard at her son’s wedding. Twenty years later, the aunt still recounted how some of her uncool relatives (from her husband’s side of course) had whispered the name of the dessert in case people thought they were swearing.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Nurture saw victory inching closer and pressed on. “For a moment, forget all those chromosomes. Let’s pick up that bar of dark chocolate and take the first step to getting cool. I’ve got an eleven step process of tasting dark chocolate that might help you.”</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“I know it.” Nature said. “I tried it with milk chocolate. By step 2, the bar was finished. By step six, my intestinal enzymes had got to it.”</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Yech it’s your sweet tooth”. Nurture said disdainfully. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“We haven’t had a sweet tooth in our family for generations”. Nature countered. "Ceramic teeth, yes, many times over. Metal teeth, check. Empty gummy spaces, bingo. But no sweet tooth after the age of 10.”</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Nurture felt herself sinking deep into despair. She wished she were working with tomatoes or some other subject that didn’t have vocal cords. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“So forget it then. I guess I’ll just have to live with the fact that I couldn’t teach you to say lurrrve.”</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Lurrrve?”. Nature asked. “I don’t even know what it means.” </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“It’s well, a verbal version of a machine gun.” Nurture explained without much interest. “Because of its ability to reduce people’s self confidence to pulp.” </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Ok, I want it already”. Nature said. Actually, she was mouthing the desire of a distant relative who achieved the same result by referring to designers by first names or nicknames. The relative usually topped it with a pitying look when listeners thought choo was a sneeze or that Nina was a neighbour’s name. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Only certain things can get you the power of lurrrve, For example, you can lurrrve Norwegian salmon, not bangda fry, unless you’re doing the inverse snobbery thing. You’re allowed to lurrrve unpasteurized stilton, not cheese slices. It doesn’t matter if you prefer cheese slices. You just can’t lurrrve them. Of course the easiest way to join the lurrrve club is through dark chocolate, but I guess…”</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Wait” Nature interrupted. “Did you say Norwegian salmon? I do genuinely love it, I mean lurrrve it”. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Good for you” Nurture said, her mind already preoccupied with strategies to reduce a normal person to a size zero.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">"So why don’t I just think of Norwegian salmon when I’m talking about dark chocolate? I lurrrve dark chocolate. How’s that?" </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">There was no answer.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“I could then talk about cocoa percentages… I can do that quite easily.Nurture are you even listening?”</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: arial;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Nurture wasn't listening. She wasn't even in the roomt. She had left already knowing that her mission had been successful but that she couldn’t quite take the credit for it. Unless of course, she used her sense of adventure to fabricate a story…</span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-12839402148744680102009-09-13T00:52:00.008+05:302009-09-13T01:13:47.531+05:30it's a steal...<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;font-size:100%;" ><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The first time I visit a shop, I’m a regular customer. But the second time I go, I’m royalty. Salespeople come rushing up from every corner of the store, the manager addresses me by name, and I’m assigned an exclusive shop assistant for the duration of my visit. For the longest time, I attributed this special treatment to my charm, but after introspection and several hits to my bank balance, I’ve realised that my lack of bargaining skills are the real reason.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I’ve had the opportunity to watch some prize bargain queens and kings at work. I’ve observed how they plough masterfully towards their targets, and how they let nothing get in the way. And from these observations, I’ve understood that getting an extra tissue on demand at a café does not constitute a good bargain. I also know now that bargaining may be an art, but copying the masters achieves nothing except an unflattering likeness to a simian in a panchatantra story.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">If you’re like me, ie the hieroglyphic symbol for loser shopper, here’s the greatest bargain you’re ever likely to get. You can share my failure for free, instead of getting your own at the cost of angst and embarrassment.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold;">One person’s masterstroke could be another person’s stroke:</span> My sister and I were shopping for ethnic totes at a street bazaar in </span><st1:city><st1:place><span lang="EN-GB">Delhi</span></st1:place></st1:city><span lang="EN-GB"> when my sis pointed at one she liked. The burly XL stall owner quoted a price. My sister named a figure that was low enough to make me squirm. Monster man dropped his price a shade. At this point, my skinny teenaged sis looked straight at him and said “I’m beginning to get angry now”. She said this softly, with a smile on her face, and the stall owner was shocked into nervously looking around for skulking armed men, before he wordlessly handed her the tote.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">This is easy, I thought. So I tried it at another street stall in another city. “I’m beginning to get angry now” I said at the right moment, my voice velvety soft and Brandoesque. Almost on cue, things started to happen. The stall owner quickly pushed a chair towards me and gestured for water. “BP patient hai”, he whispered knowingly to his assistant, and handed me a glass crusted with fingerprints. While I pretended to sip the slightly murky water, the man regaled me with stories about his own blood pressure travails. I left after a while, with a recipe for bitter gourd juice (BP ke liye ekdum first class) but sadly, no bargain.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /><span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Starting from scratch:</span> When a salesperson tried to convince me to buy the last refrigerator in the store, ie the display one, I decided to capitalise on the bargaining opportunity. I knew what to do, having watched my bargain black belt friends closely. I disdainfully pointed out a near invisible scratch near the door (I think I might have created it while pointing it out) and demanded a discount. The salesman quickly dropped the price and before you could say freeze, I paid for the piece. When the refrigerator was unpacked at home, I realised the scratch was truly invisible, as it was eclipsed by at least 3 dents on the door. The crisper tray looked distinctly French, as the r had been rubbed by enthusiastic shoppers. The egg trays croak ominously every time I open the door, and soon, I should be able to save myself the first step of making omelettes.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Great timing comes at a cost:</span> Yippee, it was sale time! The time of the year when bargain royalty moves in and gets stuff it might need later. Well, I got that bit right; when I swooped down on a brilliantly discounted dishwasher I didn’t need. It arrived in perfect condition, though I can’t say the same about many other things anymore.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">My jars have melted into size 0 shapes, which are great for the catwalk but not for storing things. I've had to replace them with dishwasher safe ones (read imported, read expensive). My electricity bills have doubled as have my tea and biscuit expenses. The last two are courtesy my erstwhile human dishwasher, who has no work left and uses my home as a café for her mid morning breaks.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Make a fresh start:</span> Whatever the evidence against it, I’ve started believing in reincarnation. It's my best chance to be brilliant at bargaining. Yes I realise I might be reborn a mosquito, but if I can get a great deal on a repellent-free home, I’ll take my chances.</span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-5069139218804178392009-08-12T23:56:00.004+05:302009-08-13T00:07:14.846+05:30positioning statements<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: verdana;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;font-size:100%;" ><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="PlaceName"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="PlaceType"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="country-region"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">My daughter and I were watching videos of nursery rhymes on <a href="http://www.youtube.com/">youtube </a>when we came across these ads:</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">An invitation to learn to “Speak English fluently” on the ABC song. An example of a keyword match missing out on nuances, I thought sympathetically, till I saw the next one.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">A chance to get an “MBA in </span><st1:city><st1:place><span lang="EN-GB">London</span></st1:place></st1:city><span lang="EN-GB"> in 1 year” on ‘Five little monkeys jumping on the bed’. I hit replay in case I'd missed out a nuance that linked the lyrics to the ad, but still couldn't get it. The ad saw a connect though,because it appeared again.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">A university that claimed to have “</span><st1:country-region><st1:place><span lang="EN-GB">India</span></st1:place></st1:country-region><span lang="EN-GB">’s top engineering college” appeared on a shot of a bridge collapsing during the rhyme ‘</span><st1:place><st1:placename><span lang="EN-GB">London</span></st1:placename><span lang="EN-GB"> </span><st1:placetype><span lang="EN-GB">Bridge</span></st1:placetype></st1:place><span lang="EN-GB"> is falling down’. Before I had finished laughing, a contest from HP invited me to express myself. Yes, that sounds worthwhile. I’ll have a quick breakdown while I wait for the judges to decide if I win.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Walk when you talk appeared on three blind mice. Sure, you don’t need to see where you’re going if you’re walking for exercise. The line about losing calories (spelt loosing) was perfectly timed, bang on the shot of the poor mice losing their tails, courtesy the farmer’s wife.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Airtel’s special 5 offer came up on Hush Little Baby – what a terrific follow up to millions spent on getting people to talk…</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I had always thought you couldn’t beat English subtitles on Hindi movie songs for a good laugh (our love is sweet alcohol and such like), but it turns out their tickle scores have been beaten forever. </span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-54401344004172844702009-08-01T23:27:00.008+05:302009-08-02T00:54:36.894+05:30writer's crap?<span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;font-size:100%;" >Some of the kind readers of this blog have asked me why I haven’t been posting anything.<br /><br />The truth is that I want to. The greater truth is that too many things come in the way.<br /><br />Here’s how it goes.<br /><br />I start a new post, intending to write a few hundred words that are as profound as they are witty.<br /><br />Profound is important. Or do I mean zen? Zen is infinitely more enigmatic and cool. It’s also a term I use a lot, usually with a superior expression when people look pointedly at my mismatched clothes or split ends. But then again, profound is more global. Well, there's a good way to find out what I do mean. After a good bit of wandering down scenic hyperlinks, I know that both are hard, and eminently dispensable.<br /><br />I settle for witty and start writing.<br /><br />Two lines down, I find my post littered with a flock of squiggly red lines. With a snort, i change the language to UK English. The flock grows. Not willing to get intimidated by a mere programme, I snort again, copy paste my two lines into a word document and disable spellcheck.<br /><br />All that's left now is to shoot out those few hundred words, in an elegant and unperturbed way. I know it can be done, i have a friend who's getting two books published this year. When's the launch of the second book i wonder, and email her.<br /><br />By the time i switch tabs again, I see that my writing has shrunk from two lines to one. Blogger's puny text box had made my writing seem twice as eloquent.<br /><br />I think of all those talented people who write a few thousand words before breakfast or between jail terms, and realise, in a blinding series of epiphanies, that I hate each one of them. I also hate the paper clip that unfurls and widens its eyes mockingly like a demented yogi. I zap it into a kitten, and then into a puppy. After right clicking both options to check out animation, i know that the puppy works. My writing still doesn't. Or does it? I open a new tab and log into site meter to see how many people have visited my blog. A mere handful (I refer here to the hand of an embryo before it sprouts fingers). Last week might have been better, I console myself, and click to find out. The graph of the the month's visitors looks like a line up of midgets.<br /><br />I would be discouraged at this point if I didn't know that it's silly for a writer to hold on to convictions that have lost relevance. This is the time to do something about it, I sternly tell myself, and drop witty from my list of to-dos for this post.<br /><br />Now free of all pressure, I remind myself of the basics of writing. Focus on the material you have, and translate it into words without worrying about anything else.<br /><br />I know I can do that.<br /><br />I start a game of scrabble.<br /><br /><br /></span>gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-17695680221118837752009-04-28T23:25:00.004+05:302009-04-28T23:42:39.430+05:30face value - part 7<span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >Go on, exercise your rights. If you'd like to declare today 'The international day for self-flagellation', put your cursor where your mouth is, and <a href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2008/11/whats-your-face-value.html">click here to get to Face Value Part 1.</a></span><br /><br />Thanks to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douglas_Adams">Douglas Adams</a>, we think we know the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything. He would also have us believe that the only thing that remains a mystery is the ultimate question. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">We are wrong on both counts, as a small minority of people on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/">Facebook </a>have demonstrated. First of all, the answer is still work in progress. The only thing established is that it needs more keys than the numbers bar of your keyboard. And as for the ultimate question, that’s no mystery. The question is right there for all to see, in the status bar of the Facebook homepage. ‘What’s on your mind?’ it asks us, and the above mentioned band of Facebook users pours out a sea of possibilities that can fix life, the universe and everything.</span><br /><br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >The atlas-of-the-mind type</span></span><br /></div><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-family:verdana;">To get even close to understanding this personality type, you have to first stop pursuing selfish things like happiness, success and good coffee shops.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:verdana;">Then, try to see the world from a modern Atlas’s point of view (no you don’t have to squint or have eyes in the back of your head; I meant this in a figurative way). When you carry the earth and the heavens on your shoulders like you would a slobbering drunk friend, your perspective is bound to be larger than all the above. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">I know what you’re thinking. How can Rajeev, who’s an un-creative number cruncher by day, be qualified to find solutions for the universe? Now here’s the secret of these people’s global wisdom. They have an uncanny knack of rewriting universally accepted laws and rules.<br /><br />Here are the top three that I have uncovered while studying the status updates of these noble souls.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >If at first you don’t succeed, extrapolate, extrapolate, extrapolate again. </span><span style="font-family:verdana;">When V.V. Clemsy drops a glass of milk, he doesn’t waste time crying over spilt milk (boo hoo as a Facebook status update just isn’t global enough). Instead, he asks himself how the principle of dropping a glass of milk can be applied to larger subjects. Calcium depletion? Not big enough. Hungry children? Better, but overused. A drop in world nutrition levels? A loss of organic produce? Organic… hmmm there’s something there. So there you have it. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:verdana;" >V. V. Clemsy laments the loss of yet another organic resource from a world that’s turning to plastic. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Most readers, for fear of looking ignorant will scan the net and find lots of relevant news stories that will help them sound intelligent while commenting on V. V. Clemsy’s update.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Rush in where punsters fear to tread.</span> When Aloe P. Shea sees hair in her comb, she doesn’t just think of it as hair loss. That’s petty, selfish and a wasted opportunity. So she lets her mind out on a random association trip. A receding hairline? It’s getting macro, Aloe knows, but it’s still too selfish to make a statement about the world. So she flies from receding to recessive to recession... Bingo! That’s global enough now. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:verdana;" >Aloe P. Shea then feels that the solution to global recession is to pat existing resources in place. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >When you point a finger at yourself, remember that three fingers point at the world. </span><span style="font-family:verdana;">Nothing remarkable has happened to Indra Pal Lobhia all day. In fact he lost a bet on which cricket team would win today. So does Indra Pal Lobhia, or IPL as he is known to friends and enemies hide the fact under the astroturf? No way! He capitalises on it to publish his learning about life, the universe and everything. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">His status update reads: <span style="font-style: italic;">IPL knows that individual and team brilliance must collaborate with the will of the people for a Utopian culture to flourish. </span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Coming up soon: The I-link-therefore-I-am type</span></span><br /></span>gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-82722570975876893942009-04-14T22:55:00.002+05:302009-04-14T23:04:03.819+05:30a prisoner's rant<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: verdana; color: rgb(153, 153, 153);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I can now officially say that I know what rigorous imprisonment feels like. I’ve learnt this in the last 36 hours, and I don’t recommend it to anyone, not even those of you who snigger at my middle and mispronounce French words.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">As we know from the movies, most people who get arrested are allowed to make one call. Not me. I am not allowed to call anyone, or even greet anyone who calls me with cheery familiarity. Not loved ones. Not unloved ones. Not even those who are celebrating a birthday or anniversary. The last bit was unnecessary, because information about significant dates is now barred from me.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The only food I’m allowed to eat is that which I cook myself. I can no longer indulge in the anticipated pleasure of booking a table at my favourite restaurant. I can’t even order my usual bacon and egg sandwich.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Then there’s punishment of the rigorous kind. Like literally having to go the extra mile, even when the weather is unbearably muggy (today was one of those days, when every dust particle in the air was sweating like a peasant). Instead of using the convenience of home delivery, I had to trudge out to get a bottle of water, skirting around unmentionable objects on dusty streets. The experience was so uncomfortable, that I had to repeat it, this time for aspirin.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">About 18 hours into the routine, it started getting to me. Since there was no familiar alarm to wake me up, I got up this morning, feeling groggy and listless from too much sleep and having nothing to look forward to. I spent the morning dreaming of futile luxuries like manicures and hair trims.Futile, because my current state only allows me to get these at the grottiest places, which don’t have enough clients to require an appointment.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I am slowly losing track of time, and have to wait for the newspapers to figure out the date. I'm not enough of a veteran yet to do the lines and cross thing.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I feel betrayed, bereft and totally alone.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Actually that’s not true.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style=""> </span>In spite of my solitary confinement, I know I’m not alone.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">A google search has revealed that there are at least 2 dozen people in the world whose phone touch screens have also frozen. But then again, they didn't have to suffer this indignity on a public holiday when service centres were closed.
<br /></span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-36956612615807700642009-04-02T23:51:00.002+05:302009-04-03T00:06:46.213+05:30dental case<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: verdana; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">It’s time for the most dreaded event of the year - my annual visit to the dentist. Actually, to have been true to the term annual, I should have made this statement in early Jan, but luckily for me, procrastination heads the strengths section of my cv. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">What is it about dentists that makes everyone avoid them like the plague? (I would have said plaque, but dread has eaten away at my sense of humour). Although a lot of people claim that the sensation and sound of a drill puts them off, it’s like a sailor saying he avoids icebergs because they look dirty.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I think the real reasons are deeper and start way before the drill is plugged in. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Think about a standard visit. However cool/dignified/sophisticated you may be in the outside world, you peel that off with your footwear, and sprawl belly up on a chair like a canine at the dregs of a pack. I don’t know if it’s a Pavlovian reaction, but I usually start whining at this point. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Not for long though, because then I’m asked to say aaah. Not ooh or whoa or a similar cool civilized equivalent, you have to say aaaah till your nostrils dilate like a hippo’s and your double chin behaves like a silicon implant. Sure, a doctor makes you say aah too, but it’s for a few seconds, not for the duration of a 60 minute visit. If that weren’t humiliating enough, the dentist shines a strong light to light up the most unflattering part of you. Whoever says that mouths are sexy hasn’t seen an epiglottis fluttering in panic while you salivate helplessly. The only thing worse must be getting treated for haemorrhoids. But then again, with that unfortunate condition, you don’t have to watch the expert watch you as he sees dreams of a new car come true. In return, does the man at least give you the satisfaction of staring back at his cavities? Nah, he’s wearing a mask like a super-coward.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Once he’s done with the show, he wants the tell bit. Does this hurt he asks, jabbing you with instruments modelled after torture tools of the dark ages. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">What do you think you pervert? You want to shoot back. But of course you don’t say that. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">However witty or articulate you may be, the only response you manage to everything is gaaa. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The one right question for this answer would be 'tell me what comes after sa re', but the sadist skirts around that. Deliberately, I’m sure. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Then starts the pain. The drill bores deep into your tooth till it reaches your wallet and draws out deposit after deposit. Like an anti-alchemist, he converts your hard earned gold to ceramics, till the inside of your mouth resembles an imitation ming vase. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Once he is satisfied with his handiwork (watch for the mask twitching with joy), the dentist brings out a small mirror to show you what he’s done. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">You take a cursory look, before you squeeze your plastic to pay for his emis.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">365 days of composure, you sigh joyously as you walk out, gathering your surviving shreds of dignity. But the dentist’s influence still holds. Thanks to the little mirror that only showed you your repaired tooth, you missed out on the white gook that lines your mouth and makes you look like you had a 5 course meal of bird shit. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">So let’s make that 364 days of composure, unless you’re like me and you procrastinate.</span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-23951665980823410982009-03-19T00:36:00.004+05:302009-03-19T00:58:42.368+05:30rip wham wrinkle<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >Warning: This is a longish post, but consider the fact that it's about one of the longest evenings of my life.</span><br /><br />Last Sunday, my doorbell rang late at night. I should have looked through the spyhole, but having watched Rajni on DD at an impressionable age, I opened the door instead with a bright smile on my face (don’t know how she carried it off 16 times in each episode, all I succeed in doing is to have courier guys suspiciously at my id). </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">My neighbour was standing outside. Although we had lived in the same building for four years, I only knew what her profile looked like when we rode in the same lift. Now here she was, giving me a full frontal view of her face.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">Sorry! I automatically mumbled my standard late night greeting to all neighbours, then realised the music wasn’t even on. Seconds later I also realised that she was smiling.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">The result of that meeting was historic. I had been invited to a birthday party of a child for the first time in decades. Well, technically, my baby daughter was invited, but since she can’t walk yet, I was invited in the capacity of a limo. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">Yesterday was the big day. We walked to the venue. OK technically, I walked, till my daughter kicked me in the flanks to spur me into a fast trot. We finished first effortlessly, and got to the party before the hostess. Incidentally, it makes me wonder why such a big deal is being made of saving Tipu Sultan’s horse breeding farm. You don't need to breed winners, just get a few babies on the most ordinary nags and watch them fly. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">Looking at the bright side, the good thing about getting there early was that no one saw my reaction to the place. The doorway, pillars, almost everything in the room was made of balloons. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">Baboon lisped my daughter. No baby, it’s balloon I corrected, then realised she was looking at me. I collected myself, and tried to look as though it was perfectly normal to walk into a world of helium with giant teddy bears frolicking around. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">One of them was clearly a trainee teddy bear or an aspiring puma, because he lunged at us in the uncuddliest way. I jumped back in fright, and landed against a pillar of balloons that squeaked their disapproval. And that was how the hostess and the birthday girl saw me as they walked in. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">“Hahaha” I whimpered, as though it was a great joke to get accosted by a monster in fur. “Great party, great party. You must have worked really hard to set this up.” </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">No said the lady. The event manager took care of everything. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">Ah. I had always thought of event managers as people who got things done for launch conferences and concerts, but clearly this was much more challenging. Because by now, the other guests started arriving in droves. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">The entertainment console got into action and the miniature amusement park ride worked like clockwork. Kids in designer wear looked unmoved by the spectacle around. I would have dehydrated to a twig from having my jaw drop so often, had waiters in suits not regularly replenished me with beverages. Although it was my daughter’s first party, she seemed very composed in the strange environment and waved and smiled at the right places. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">Then the cake arrived with 6 candles on it. I panicked. I had thought the kid was turning five, I swear the card had said so. I considered sneaking to the pile of presents and correcting the age on the books I had inscribed with great care, but it was too late. The candles were being lit. Good thing too, I was saved the embarrassment of looking like a kleptomaniac by the lighting of the first candle. It opened up into a flower and was plucked out of the cake. I clapped in genuine relief, till I realised everyone was looking at me. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">The rest of the evening made me want to look for a giant teddy bear costume to hide in. The other mothers chatted about milestones, and it seemed as though all their kids had mastered calculus in the second trimester. “What is your daughter eating these days?” one asked me to include me in the conversation. Food I responded eagerly, and she looked at me kindly as though I was challenged in every way possible. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">Finally, it was time to leave. I cantered back with my daughter, who was repeatedly squeezing her return gift to make it squeak. I thought of my daughter’s birthday, which is coming up in eight months, and instantly felt 600 wrinkles sprout on my face. And all the way home, my squeaks drowned out those of my daughter’s toy. </span><br /></span>gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-49967546706001533252009-01-17T23:11:00.004+05:302009-04-28T23:44:22.979+05:30face value - part 6<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" ><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City" downloadurl="http://www.5iamas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place" downloadurl="http://www.5iantlavalamp.com/"></o:smarttagtype></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >If you read War and Peace at a sitting, you clearly have the stamina to scroll down to the beginning of this series. For the rest of you, clicking here will take you to f<a href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2008/11/whats-your-face-value.html">ace value - part 1</a>.</span>
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<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Unlike my earlier posts on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/">Facebook </a>personality types, this one doesn’t try to explain how or why the Plato-on-a-plate type is the way it is. This is a struggle to preserve my last shreds of self-esteem when I read this type’s updates.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-weight: bold; text-align: center;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-weight: bold; text-align: center;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Plato-on-a-plate-type</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"> This is possibly the most misunderstood personality type on Facebook. I mean misunderstood in the truest sense of the word – because most of us can’t understand what they’re saying. <span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Here’s an example from the person after who this category is named. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">When Plato wanted to talk about the nature of education, he could have sung ‘we don’t need no education’ accompanied by brilliant guitar work.Or he could have joined a peace protest.
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">But naah, that would have been too simple.
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<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">He told a story about a group of people who spent their lives chained up inside a cave. He then brought in a twist by having one of them escape. In a role reversal of Tom Hanks in Castaway, the freed man spent hair raising weeks learning to deal with the real world. Once he succeeded, he went back to the cave to rescue his buddies, but got derided by the lot as he was temporarily blinded by the darkness inside.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">What’s the connection with lousy schooling? I haven’t a clue. But I remember loving Plato’s allegory of the cave when I first read it. I thought it was a collaborative movie plot by Lewis Carroll and Guru Dutt, till someone explained how foolish and shallow I was.
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<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Well, Plato died over 2000 years ago, but his type continues to make us feel inferior and foolish by prowling around the status boxes of Facebook.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Here’s my defence.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-size:100%;" ><span lang="EN-GB">The more complicated you get, the simpler we’ll get.</span></span>
<br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">When you say <span style="font-style: italic;">Timothy is seeped in acid sunshine</span> (thanks <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/03332652233875784345">Five Wise Men</a> for that one), we will assume that Timothy ate spicy food for dinner and there was no antacid at hand.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">If you use vague metaphors, we’ll laugh at you with clear meta force. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">When we read - </span><st1:city style="font-style: italic;"><st1:place><span lang="EN-GB">Walker</span></st1:place></st1:city><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-style: italic;"> is wondering why the second step often precedes the first</span>, we will scoff at the fact that </span><st1:city><st1:place><span lang="EN-GB">Walker</span></st1:place></st1:city><span lang="EN-GB"> has tripped on his first jog ever.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span></span> </p><p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The higher your feet are from the ground, the more easily we will see your underwear.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-style: italic;">Iftekar is imagining a world without hypotheses</span>. Ha Iftekar, doesn't this mean that you have decided to control your embarrassing saliva spray habit by dropping all ifs from your conversation? We will also wonder if you will call yourself Tekar from now on.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">If your meaning is unclear, we’ll attach our own. And it may not be flattering.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">When <span style="font-style: italic;">Sighmona feels that life is one rough draft after another</span>, we will understand that Sighmona was stupid enough to wear a strappy dress without a jacket on a windy evening.
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<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">End of vent. This analysis may not have made sense to those of you reading it, but aah, it felt great writing it.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2009/04/face-value-part-7.html"><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-size:130%;" >Next: The Atlas-of-the-mind type</span></a>
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<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p face="trebuchet ms" style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-2197608857825384882008-12-12T21:38:00.005+05:302008-12-12T22:43:21.791+05:30mind gym<span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:100%;" >Anyone who's reached a turning point in life will almost always tell you how it was triggered by a drastic incident.<br /><br />One such incident occurred to me three months ago, and I decided to turn my life by sinking the cost of a small island into the services of a personal trainer.<br /><br />To put things in perspective, drastic isn’t a word I use easily, especially in the context of fitness. When once, someone once congratulated me on my pregnancy (I wasn’t even close), I laughed with genuine mirth. For weeks afterwords, I used the statement as a legitimate excuse to pig out, because I believe even a perceived phantom pregnancy deserves a good round of cravings. Another time, when I was mistaken for a friend who hadn’t exercised since she swam around as an embryo, I explained (and believed) that the mix up was caused by the style of our exclusive shared hairdresser.<br /><br />So when I say drastic, believe me, I do mean drastic. Since it’s too painful to get into details, I’ll just say that it had to do with a trial room lined with mirrors that reflect you from angles that should be outlawed in civilized society, and a scream that emanated from me because I thought I was being attacked by a mob of aliens from bulge-planet.<br /><br />Realizing the futility of pawning my ad portfolio, I saved money for a fortnight by hooch mooching, and then hired a sadist who was to be my gym trainer.<br /><br />Two and a half months later, I am a changed woman.<br /><br />I have become a masochist. I feel that if something hurts, it's a good sign. There's furious fat burning going on there. When I meet people who have sprained their ankles or are recovering from a surgery, I struggle to keep the envy out of my eyes.<br /><br />I have also become one of those squares I’ve always laughed at. When friends invite me out for a drink, I mumble silly cliches like early to bed, early to rise, and mean them. When I do go out, I embarrass my companions by conducting a mini Spanish inquisition with waiters about protein levels and carrot sticks.<br /><br />Speaking of protein, I now possess spare tyres of useless knowledge, like how much protein a large egg has (6 grams). I cut chicken till it looks like a starfish with 6 amputations, because sites tell you that a palm sized piece is just right. I also twitch with excitement at the ingredient labels of cans, till salespeople rush in with onions, dirty socks and other well intentioned first aid for epileptic fits.<br /><br />I no longer measure things in kilograms, but in inches. It’s logical, because muscle weighs more than fat, but try explaining that to a butcher or a veggie vendor…<br /><br />Then, there’s my reaction to mirrors. From someone who would forget to notice her face during the toothbrush routine, I have become a monster who seeks out reflective surfaces. I scratch my chin while passing tinted car windows to see if my triceps are still there. When with people who wear sunglasses, I laugh with my head thrown back slightly to see if my double chin has reduced. I seriously regret having bought an LCD instead of a plasma, because I can’t see myself doing crunches.<br /><br />The person I have turned into is drastic enough for me to consider an about-turning point. Sack the trainer, says the right brain impulsively. The left brain agrees with the logic of the suggestion.<br /><br />Once I do that, I should be able to get back to who I was. I have a feeling it won't be too hard, because some things about me haven’t changed in spite of the 10 week detour.<br /><br />My old clothes fit just as snugly, and while I love the inches vs kilograms theory, I haven’t lost either.<br /><br />I still huff and puff up the stairs after step 7.<br /><br />And I still hold my breath to hide my muffin top, when talking to a colleague who thinks the term belongs to bakeries.<br /><br />I'll just have to work on my mind now...<br /></span>gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-19049773501790085072008-12-11T02:52:00.008+05:302009-01-17T23:41:48.153+05:30face value - part 5<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: verdana; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Wingdings; panose-1:5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0; mso-font-charset:2; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:0 268435456 0 0 -2147483648 0;} @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Where there's a part 5, there are usually parts 1-4 squealing for attention. If you'd like to save yourself some serious scrolling and math, click <a href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2008/11/whats-your-face-value.html">here to read face value - part 1</a>.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">If you’re one of those people who believe that life is never unfair, explain this. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">When people put their careers on the line, they become the heroes of corporate legends. But when people put their careers in a line, they get nothing but sniggers and exasperated sighs. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Those who put their jobs on the line are rewarded with fables that, with time, grow as complex as a ‘let’s defrost the fridge today sambaar’. Every narrator of the tale insidiously incorporates himself or herself into the story as an influencer, a supporter or at least a drinking buddy.<span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">On the other hand, those who put their potential in a line become the butt of funny stories, where their best friends describe them, at best, as third cousins of unpopular colleagues they’ve spoken to once. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">This post is an attempt to pay a tribute to these unsung heroes. There are people who have tried to dissuade me, with the argument that these people are considered unsung because no one can hear singing above the blowing of trumpets. I believe that's just another example of the unfairness these hidden heroes have to endure. I will try to neutralise some of the injustice today. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The-CV-in-a-nutshell type</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">People of this personality type have never read books on how to write the perfect CV. They wrote the books you see, that too on grains of rice and <a href="http://facebook.com/">Facebook</a> updates.<span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">To get a fair perspective on the people of this group, let’s look at some of the qualities a good resume is supposed to have, along with proof that this personality type is the master of each parameter.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"></o:p><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">Highlight your strengths:</span> Easier said than done. It’s hard to do justice to multiple strengths, unless you have a spare hard disk handy. Or unless of course, you’re a CV-in-a-nutshell type person. Here’s an example of how this personality type packs all his/her strengths into a few snack sized bytes. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p><span style="font-style: italic;">‘B.Rags hopes The Newsweak’s million readers like his cover story tomorrow’</span>. There, you’ve got journalistic skills, people skills, a talent for numbers, democratic disposition, time management skills and modesty, all comprehensively covered in a mere 11 words. And of course, you can’t but help notice that wonderfully elusive quality – brevity. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">Be honest:</span> For those of us who are wary of admitting weaknesses on our resumes, there’s a valuable lesson to be learnt from CV-in-a-nutshell people. Just say it like it is, their updates demonstrate to us, time and again. Undaunted by fears of creating a negative bias, these personalities bravely call a spate a spate. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-style: italic;">‘HooHa can’t seem to upload her best employee award pictures.’</span> Notice how courageously HooHa shows a lack of IT skills? </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">A lack of career planning skills is not swept under the carpet in this update - <span style="font-style: italic;">‘Peter S. Principle is pondering… after CEO, what?’ </span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-weight: bold;">Attach a list of references:</span> This bit is usually relegated to page 2 in the crispest of resumes, but in a flash of brilliance, this personality type brings it to line 1. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Notice the sheer genius with which this one tells you <span style="font-style: italic;">‘Chickenfeed is cooped up with the fortune 500 gang. Again.</span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-style: italic;">’</span> If you’re thinking of hiring Chickenfeed, you know immediately who to contact for reference checks. A whole list of referees, in a matter of words.
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">Keep it short:</span> By now, you already know that the CV-in-a-nutshell type of personality excels in fat-free statements. But like all groups, this lot too has some individuals who outshine others with their breathtaking brevity. How much shorter can a list of achievements get than ‘Seema@nohands.com'? One simple URL, and a click - and you have access to the potential of Seema.
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<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Note: In recognition of the innate shyness that characterizes people of the CV-in-a-nutshell personality type, all names and contexts have been changed.
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<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Next: <a href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2009/01/face-value-part-6.html">Plato-on-a-plate type</a> </span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-23937301034683774202008-12-05T23:22:00.006+05:302008-12-11T22:13:59.509+05:30face value part 4<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-size:100%;" ><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:verdana;" ><span style="font-size:85%;">Research shows that scrolling causes the index finger to build unnecessary muscle. If you'd like to start reading this post from 'face value part 1' and still not look silly while pointing, just click <a href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2008/11/whats-your-face-value.html">here</a>. </span><br /><br />Do you sometimes feel that you have many more friends than your Facebook friend list shows? Do you attribute this feeling to an inflated sense of your own popularity?<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:verdana;">Before you pat yourself on the back like a trainee contortionist, listen carefully to a little voice saying ‘It’s not you, it’s us’. You are hearing the voice of the Sharelock-Holmes-type person on your friend list.<br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >The-Sharelock-Holmes-type personality</span></span></span><br /></div><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-family:verdana;">This personality type contains the split personalities of Facebook. No, not like Jekyll and Hyde, because at least they surfaced in turns. The dual personalities of the Sharelock-Holmes type speak at the same time in the same sentence on each Facebook status update. One half of the split wants to be discrete and secretive, while the other wants to tell all. And they both get their way.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Classification</span><span style="font-family:verdana;">: The story goes that for years after the birth of Facebook, eminent psychologists struggled to analyze these complex characters, and finally threw up their Freud texts in defeat. No one else wanted this daunting task, until a team that sold advertising space in newspapers volunteered to complete the classification process (there’s a school of thought that feels that the team heard split purse instead of split personality, but there’s no concrete evidence to support this view).<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:verdana;">Applying their skills of splitting newspaper pages into any shape and size under the guise of innovation, the advertising space sellers created this classification of the Sharelock-Holmes-type personality.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Horizontal split:</span> To understand this subtype, imagine a person whose head is covered with a secretive deerstalker detective type hat, while the body wears a flamboyantly unbuttoned trench coat. This subtype wants to be discrete and flashy at the same time.</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">This Sharelock-Holmes sub-type creates status updates like: <span style="font-style: italic;">Miss Cama has finally done it sutra style, but can't talk about it.<br /></span> </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Vertical split:</span> In this sub-type, the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing. But the right hand not only knows what the left hand is doing, it makes it a point to broadcast it to the world (ok, only left-handed people will truly understand the unfairness of this situation). </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">A typical status update might read like this: <span style="font-style: italic;">Godot is waiting for a waiter. And only God knows why.</span> (notice how poor Godot or the left hand is clearly at a disadvantage).<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Front page solus split: </span>Both these personalities clamour equally for action, since both want to be at the centre of attention.</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">They typically have status updates like: <span style="font-style: italic;">Gemini wonders if she should or she shouldn’t. </span><br />Or <span style="font-style: italic;">Namedropper can’t choose between Obama and Paris Hilton.<br /></span> </span><br /></span><div style="text-align: left; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Statutory warning</span></span></span><br /></div><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-family:verdana;"> Whichever sub-type of the Sharelock-Holmes-personality type you have as a friend, you need to be careful about one thing.<br /><br />They're all hugely infectious.</span><span style="font-family:verdana;"><br /><br />As you read the status updates of this personality type, </span><span style="font-family:verdana;">one half of you feels disgusted and wants to ignore these desperate attention seekers. The other half feels sorry for their dull lives and forces you to sound interested. Sometimes, one half of you gets irritable, while the other half is curious. OR, one half of you wants to put on a poker face, while the other half wants to poke out these cheap gimmicks.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:verdana;">See, you’re already on your way to becoming a Sharelock-Holmes type person yourself.<br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><br />Watch out for: <a href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2008/12/face-value-part-5.html">The-CV-in-a-nutshell type</a></span><br /></span></span>gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-39941365153866821542008-12-04T11:06:00.008+05:302008-12-04T12:03:00.441+05:30let's not turn into the people we despise<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">It's not splayed in the media, but t<o:p></o:p>he terror attacks in Mumbai have claimed casualties way beyond the wildest expectations of the people who planned them. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Callousness, apathy and a mere baap ka kya jaata hai attitude are definite victims. You can see it in the mails and text messages people are forwarding. You can measure it in the rage you can sense all around you.
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I have no evidence to support this on a larger scale, but computer games, page 3 anecdotes and shallow witticisms seem to be seriously injured too. The intellectually endowed among us are turning away from these activities and aiming their considerable resources at topics like the political system, national security and ummm the country. You can see that shift in the changed focus of newspapers and blogs.
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<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Getting the attention of thousands of consciences is a great start. Now that running the country is no longer beneath our dignity or status, we are now free to go beyond indifferent shrugs towards positive steps.
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<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">With the collective might of all those grey cells, we could even hope for real robust solutions.
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<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Through the haze of shock and anger, solutions do seem to be sprouting up. Perhaps because it is early days, or because I have no expertise in the areas of governance, security and politics, here’s what I am taking out of the solutions I’ve seen in the last week (yes, I did say apathy was a victim, I’ve read more blogs and articles on the nation in the last week than I have in my life before that).
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">To fight outlaws, let’s turn into outlaws too</span>.</span> Let’s teach those terrorists and corrupt politicians who break laws a lesson by breaking a few laws ourselves.
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Let’s put our pleasures above the legal system:</span> Let’s drink beyond closing hours, let’s smoke in no smoking zones, let’s spend our tax money on presents for ourselves. Now all those people who bump up their personal incomes by taking bribes will have competition.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Let’s show ‘em by lighting candles and going for long walks:</span> Let’s indulge in actions that make us feel as though we're doing something. It doesn't matter if our actions don't really achieve anything or if they underline how small and helpless we are against a system. Politicians and bureaucrats have done that for years with their lip service and tree planting drives, why not us?</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">But I’m not discouraged by this, as this feels like the beginning of a giant brainstorm. To complicate things, most of the participants have no prior experience in the topics they’re addressing. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">In spite of some of the false starts, well intentioned non-ideas and idealistic bubbles, it’s just a matter of time before practical and unique ideas start glimmering through.
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<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I ran across one that sparkled for me this morning. <a href="http://24belvedereestate.blogspot.com/2008/12/civil-obedience.html">Civil Obedience</a> has practical steps that I can take, without feeling like a pygmy fly against a giant swatter. Or without becoming one of the people I want to fight.
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<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Thanks Rahul, for a great post. </span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-83835959743057531982008-12-01T21:33:00.006+05:302008-12-11T22:17:55.831+05:30face value - part 3<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: verdana; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;font-size:100%;" ><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place" downloadurl="http://www.5iantlavalamp.com/"></o:smarttagtype></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Here's an easy way out for those of you who weren't born or paying attention when Maria in The Sound of Music said 'let's start at the very beginning'. Just click </span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2008/11/whats-your-face-value.html">here to get to face value - part 1.</a></span>
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<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Before we talk about this type, let’s talk about you. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">You’re probably thinking – easy weasy, I know the type, it’s all those people who abuse double meanings and make people go aargh! </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Then, like people who automatically adopt a pseudo BBC accent while talking about the channel, you will get into pun mode. Hehehe, you’ll go, people who belong to this group believe the pun is mightier than the sword. Hahaha, if Facebook were a Hindu community, these people would all be pun-dits. If they were to be given a state of their own, they would choose </span><st1:place><span lang="EN-GB">Punjab</span></st1:place><span lang="EN-GB">. Hohoho. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">And so on and so forth till I rapped you on the knuckles and said ‘Sorry. You couldn’t be more off the mark if you were blindfolded’. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Ok here's the most effective way to spot this personality type from your friend list.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); text-align: center;font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">The life-at-punpoint type</span></span>
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<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Whatever your instincts may say, don't think of words.
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<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Think instead of pictures on a colourful wall calendar at a tea shop. Imagine a mythical hero with a rhyming dictionary in one hand and a thesaurus in the other. Those of you who have cut your teeth on Amar Chitra Katha comics can go ahead and imagine two extra hands – one holding the url of an anagram finder, and the other, an oxygen mask for victims. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Now, here’s the real clue.
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<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Vanquished under the feet of this mythological character is not a demon, but another identical hero armed with the same weapons! </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Get it now? This personality type constitutes the warriors of Facebook, and its greatest motivation is to establish supremacy over others of the same personality type. Everyone else is, well, just a part of the audience. This insight may help explain how life-at-punpoint people manage to remain undaunted by all the yucks they get regularly from the rest of us.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">While the rest of us are fooled into thinking that the punsters in our friend list are just being funny or plain silly, what we miss is the determined war in progress. It’s a war to verbal death as far as the people fighting are concerned.The fact that the war is public and watched by all makes it even more critical for all parties to try harder.
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I’ll give you an example of how it goes. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">If, reacting to the recent Mumbai ordeal, one of the warriors says: </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-style: italic;font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Mart is shaken and stirred. Without an olive in sight.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Mart’s competitor will be forced to come up with a rejoinder: <o:p></o:p><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">James’ bond with Mumbai grows stronger with every bomb.</span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Mart will then be stung into changing his status update to:<o:p> </o:p><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">Mart gets a quantum of solace from knowing his friends are safe.</span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">To which, James will have no option but to say:<o:p> </o:p><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">James is da-nieling at church and praying for the victims and their families.</span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Mart will shoot back with how <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-style: italic;">he is craiging at the insensitive reactions of politicians in Mumbai. </span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p>
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The updates will retract in time and wit, till they start to look like typos and signs of drunkenness to the rest of us. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Status messages will deteriorate to <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">‘Our politicians seemed to be moored in fiction’</span> and <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">‘It’s a fleming shame’</span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Then the day will come when one of them, let’s say James (because he started with a punny advantage) says something like <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">James’ chitty chatty media friends say the bang bang is over’</span>, and Mart is forced to change the topic. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The score card will read 1-0 in favour of James, and Mart will be the one underfoot in the calendar. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">This will continue till the next topic comes along and Mart gets a chance to be the one on top.
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<br /></span></span></p> <p face="verdana" style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Waiting in the wings: <a href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2008/12/face-value-part-4.html">The-Sharelock-Holmes-type</a></span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-45365481789688544722008-11-21T17:52:00.007+05:302008-12-11T22:22:37.726+05:30face value - part 2<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: verdana; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-size:100%;" ><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: verdana;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="time"></o:smarttagtype></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">In some cultures, it's considered normal to read backwards. For the rest of us who need to start with </span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2008/11/whats-your-face-value.html">face value - part 1, here's technology to the rescue. Click. </a></span>
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<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Here I go again – breaking up personality types on <a href="http://facebook.com/">Facebook </a>and gouging chunks out of my friend list. <a href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2008/11/whats-your-face-value.html">I promised you last week</a> that I would get to the bottom of a category that does the same with facts. Here you have it.
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153); font-weight: bold; text-align: center;font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The piles-to-show-before-I-sleep type</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Any apprehension that you might feel about the term piles is ummm… justified. But then again, if you have friends who belong to this personality type, you are used to seeing much worse on news feeds. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">People of the piles-to-show-before-I-sleep type believe their lives are courtroom dramas and that every moment is an opportunity to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Do not make the mistake of thinking that everyone of this personality type has been weaned on the same truth drug. Here’s a sub-classification based on which part of the oath these truth seekers prefer.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The truth sub-type:</span> Truthful to the core (and I do mean core), these people fervently and regularly spill the beans on your home page. There’s a theory floating around that they don’t really spill beans but consume them in large amounts.
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">You learn a lot by just reading these people's updates. For instance, you find out exactly how long upset stomachs last and the multi-sensory effects they’re capable of. You know which of your friends’ friends had one too many last night and which one is planning to put in her resignation letter next week.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The whole truth sub-type:</span> These people’s ancestors are rumoured to have inspired the birth of holistic health sciences. You find this easy to believe when you see the passion with which they include every scrap of body (every appendage, however vestigial), mind and soul in the term ‘self. Naturally, a question like ‘what are you doing right now?’ cannot be answered in less than a wholesome paragraph. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">At </span><st1:time minute="0" hour="1"><span lang="EN-GB">1 am</span></st1:time><span lang="EN-GB"> in the morning, they won’t just tell you they’re still counting sheep. They will tell you how many sheep, which ones were sheared and how nauseous the mottled ones made them feel. They will also keep updating their status every few minutes as the sheep count increases. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">If you want further proof that you’ve got one of these people on your friend lists, ask them what a précis is. Most of them think it’s a term for an ironed outfit. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Nothing but the truth sub-type:</span> <span style=""> </span>These people display incredible courage in their pursuit of the truth. Ask them to choose from interesting, witty, fun and truthful, and their unflinching choice remains truthful, however boring it may make them. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Sadly, this uncompromising honesty limits the answers these people have to the status question. They're cornered into telling you that they’re at the computer, looking at the screen or updating their status. Another sign of courage of these heroes among personalities is that each one would rather watch friends die painfully of boredom than give up the truth. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204); font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Next: <a href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2008/12/face-value-part-3.html">Life at punpoint</a></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-60288904323710726262008-11-17T13:07:00.008+05:302008-12-05T13:39:59.994+05:30face value<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: verdana;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style=";font-family:verdana;font-size:100%;" ><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place" downloadurl="http://www.5iantlavalamp.com/"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City" downloadurl="http://www.5iamas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"></o:smarttagtype></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">“What are you doing right now?”
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Simple unambiguous question, wouldn’t you say? It used to be, till the folks at <a style="color: rgb(102, 102, 204);" href="http://www.facebook.com/">Facebook</a> (consciously or accidentally) upgraded it to a complex personality test.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">They’ve done this in two simple but lethal steps. One, they’ve called the answer a status update. And two, they’ve put your update out there for all to see. This means your actions can now speak louder than a heavily monogrammed Louis Vuitton bag.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">This promise (or threat) seems to have brought cracking order to the fuzzy group of people we loosely and fondly call friends.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">With just one question, the haves have been spliced cleanly from the have beens. The have beens in turn are separated from the been-there-done-thats. The list goes on, too long for this post to hold, without butting into the next blog.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /><span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">So installments it is. Here’s the first of the ‘types’ I’ve discovered, as a part of my fully fatru research, triggered by new preference options. These let me see the status updates of not just friends, but friends of friends and friends of friends of friends. So all those of my friends with fingers on the block friend button, it may not be about you...</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255); font-weight: bold; text-align: left;font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The so-much-to-show-so-little-space type</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I think this personality type started reading the term status updates, but gave up halfway through the two-word plot. “The ending is obvious no ya?” they thought. “Actual mein, I already know that the only word that goes well with status is symbol.”</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);" lang="EN-GB">Signs of luxury, wealth and success ooze out richly from these people’s updates like ghee from a </span><st1:city style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);"><st1:place><span lang="EN-GB">mysore</span></st1:place></st1:city><span lang="EN-GB"> pak. Any new acquisition makes it here faster than pirated copies of a new movie at the grey market.
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<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">To spot this type, you should know that some of them use a deceptively humble tone. Do not be fooled by it - it’s not a sign of modesty anymore than a 5-bedroom villa is a garib khaana. To get behind the fuzz of humility, look out for the clever use of interactive features like comments.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">For example, consider this.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204); font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-family:arial;" >Gori C. is homesick for Indian food.</span><span style=""><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"> </span> <span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);">Watch how this one</span></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);"> grows in status with comments like, </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 51, 255);">'which part of the world are you in NOW?'</span><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);"> And </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 51, 255);">‘you jet setter you!’</span><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);"> Do not make the mistake of saying </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 51, 255);">'awwww why don’t you come home for some dal chawal',</span><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);"> unless you want to see the gory side of Gori.
<br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);">Another example is the innocent info seeker who keys in <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);font-family:arial;" >SomeRat wants to know how long transpacific jet lags last. </span><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:arial;" >If you really want to know the answer to that SomeRat, you're in the wrong place. Try search engines pet.
<br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);">
<br /></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Another specialty of this type of personality is that time has no meaning for them. If our barons are talking about new acquisitions which they don't have yet or anymore, this is how they will get the tenses to slave for them.
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">Present tense:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">La di da is awed by the beauty of her private island.</span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204); font-weight: bold;">Past tense:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">D. Leer’s finger hurts from the weight of the diamond ring she wore yesterday.</span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">Future tense: </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Evanna B. can’t wait to meet her new BMW.</span></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-style: italic;">
<br /></span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">If you still haven't spotted the ‘so-much-to-show-so-little-space type’ from among your friends, try this final surefire method. Think of any clichéd line about love and replace love with status. Status conquers all. True status is forever. Status makes the world go round. If it works for any of your friends, bingo, you’ve got your man or woman. Till death do you part.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Next: <a href="http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/2008/11/face-value-part-2.html">The Piles-to-show-before-I-sleep type</a></span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-80151723670334376902008-11-09T12:52:00.007+05:302008-11-09T18:35:58.891+05:30can't talk the walk...<span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:verdana;font-size:100%;" >Oodles have been said and written about the benefits of hiring telecommuters or people who WAH (Work At Home).<br /><br />What gets swept under the carpet is the WAAAAH in WAH.<br /><br />As someone who works at home, I will commit professional suicide (make that two WAAAAHs) and reveal the biggest downside of hiring people like me.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-style: italic;">We are incapable of saying the right things.</span><br /><br />It's not as though we don't want to say what's right. We just don't know the right words. Spending as long as we have away from meetings and workshops has made our corporate jargon skills as obsolete as hardbound dictionaries.<br /><br />At a meeting for example, if a client spits out a question about B2B, we won't waffle impressively about comparisons with B2C. We can't. We're more likely to jump into making inadvertently embarrassing statements about Hamlet quotes or pencil types.<br /><br />When we agree with something, we'll say yup. Or at a stretch, yes. Never the infinitely more effective "I resonate with that" or "I am aligned with your thinking".<br /><br />If you suggest in a crowded room that we take something offline, we are likely to respond by diving under the table to yank off the internet cable. And when asked to park a thought, we'll helpfully offer to send our drivers over.<br /><br />Be warned that keeping us out of meetings is not a solution. Our corridor conversations are just as bad (challenging as they have been referred to by one of you). When people ask us to give them a shout, our vocal cords swell obligingly to the proportions of bull frogs in heat. When asked to give a tinkle, er... let's not even go there. Let it suffice to say that when you promise to touch base, our response is preceded by a nervous gulp and surreptitious look at your bottoms.<br /><br />So if you want to hire us, do so for what we're good at.<br /><br />We're good at our work and we know all about books, movies and eating/drinking places. What do you think we do with the time and money we save on fuel?<br /><br />We're tops at email communication, because where there's email, there's google. We can then search for what you mean when you use terms like conversation threads and win-win.<br /><br />But if you want someone who sounds as exotic as a foreign film without subtitles to lesser mortals, we're not it.<br /><br />You see, we ARE the lesser mortals in question now.<br /></span>gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-2476521986298865622008-10-18T18:25:00.003+05:302008-12-01T21:56:34.405+05:30cacophony!!!<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Economists tell you that the cost of something is not just what’s on the price tag, it’s the total money, time and resources used up to acquire it. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Yikes! This means my new music system has cost me much more than I imagined, and for much longer. Here’s what I’ve squandered, in different denominations.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Currency of time: </span>I spent months looking for the right system, since prices and my bank balance told me I would have to spend a lifetime with the same one, Ok, more accurately, the price tags demanded a saat janam ka rishta, but warranties don’t extend that long.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Currency of enthusiasm: </span>In the first couple of trips to hi fi shops, I coughed up my quota of gusto for colour and shape. A series of abbreviation spitting technophiles indicated with scornful expressions that only the uncouth get seduced by sleek silver or sporty red. The enlightened are supposed to look beyond elephant poo shaped stacks for refined attributes like fidelity. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Currency of vocabulary:</span> The search for a music system has wiped out at least a hundred words I had previously used with confidence. The first time someone told me a set of speakers I liked had a bright sound, I smiled and nodded naively. Only later did I realise that bright is a backhanded slur, like wise guy and clever, for a sound that’s trying too hard. Likewise, whatever the Vedas might say, ohm is not a divine sound, it is resistance to divine sound.<span style=""> </span>Hertz is not a music system made for women. And as for a certain radical freedom fighter, you must never say his name out loud, unless you want people to think you’re vulgar, populist and illiterate.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Currency of self-confidence: </span>I paid with this in installments, maybe a hundred thousand during every visit to a store. I paid my largest chunk the time I said a CD didn’t sound right on a certain set of speakers, and was disdainfully informed about my inferior benchmarking (it means my ears were used to an inferior sound because of my current music system). I now carefully comb my hair over my defective ears, before I get near a mirror. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Currency of comfort and aesthetics:</span> The techno-guys who came home to set up my system with tape measures, laptops and sound signals, tramped around to find the perfect spot for the music system. Two and half hours later, they were done. The speakers were set for perfect balance, sound and fidelity. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">The sofa is now jammed up against the wall, and so am I every time the system is switched on. No slouching, cautioned the experts, and no you can’t move the coffee table closer than 6 feet. That lovely pile of cushions that I used to use as back rests or makeshift bed, they’ve had to go. They caused too much distortion. And as for the period hat stand that’s my pride and joy, the back is now covered with cardboard to reflect the right amount of sound. There are 8 large blue crosses on the white floor to mark where the speaker spikes should be. The technophiles made them in permanent ink in case I was tempted to stray a millimetre from perfect sound.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">So now, I’m left with two things. Great music, and an overwhelming sense of relief that the task is done. ok, there's also a long pending apology to a cousin. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I had laughed at this cousin when her first reaction to getting married had been an expletive followed by sheer relief. I had refused to understand when she had explained that the act of finding arranged bliss was paved with stress. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Sorry sis, I do understand now. Better late than never na? Come home and let's make peace over a drink. No you can’t pick up the glass, it will destroy the amplification of the music…</span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-74079376210194942652008-09-27T12:30:00.006+05:302008-12-07T20:44:51.712+05:30show and tell<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CASHWIN%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:SimSun; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-alt:宋体; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} @font-face {font-family:"\@SimSun"; panose-1:2 1 6 0 3 1 1 1 1 1; mso-font-charset:134; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 135135232 16 0 262145 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:SimSun; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I believe a home is one of our few chances to break away from the spirals of genes that tie us firmly to our love handles, clumsiness, baldness, twitches or whatever else we may have inherited when we were too young to put our foot down. It's also our chance to liberate ourselves from the conventions of the past and a society we spent our teenage years pitying.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">So. Call it ego, or compensation for not being a rebel when I legitimately could have carried it off, but I don’t want anything in my apartment to be conventional and off the shelf. As a result, most of the furniture in my apartment is in my head. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>Last week, I decided to change status quo. I met a highly recommended carpenter and sketched him a cubist conch shell that was to be my music rack. He looked at my drawing with pity in his eyes and helpfully offered me his fevicol catalogue. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Rather than explaining the thing about mass market personalities, I suggested we start with a bookcase instead. Easy enough. Take out a window that gives me an uninterrupted view of the neighbour’s underwired collection, and put in glass shelves. I described the effect – it should look as though a square in the wall has been built with books instead of bricks.<span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">He took measurements, offered to put in sliding doors for a nominal extra charge and promised to return in three days with the showcase. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Not showcase, bookcase, I laughed nervously, gulping to push back images of crystal curiosities and fabric flowers that rose up instantly. <span style=""> </span>The carpenter didn’t notice, he was busy tucking my advance into a fevicol catalogue. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Three days later, I became the proud owner of what can only be described as the S word. The sliding doors I had eagerly agreed to complete the effect. Even with books in it, but it’s still a… I’m not strong enough to say the word yet.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">When a friend suggested that I should just cover the borders to make it look less showcasish (she smirked as she pronounced the word), my mind raced to beaded macramé and DIY stencils. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">And I knew I’d lost the battle. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Never again will I tell funny stories about a generation that spent most of their time abroad in bargain basements, to feed the big S at home. Or about dolls that spent their lives behind sliding doors, safely out of the reach of children they belonged to. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Never again will I look superior when people ask me if I have a ration card. Or turn the other way when I pass a Swarovski store or a velvet wall hanging featuring a pride of lions. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span lang="EN-GB">How can I? I’m one of THEM now.</span></span></p> gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3760498026982822641.post-87669343665083300122008-09-21T17:19:00.005+05:302008-12-01T21:52:18.936+05:30lost and found<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Spring cleaning day today. I start the operation by plunging into a dusty tangle of junk jewellery that had moved cities and apartments without once being taken out of a giant wooden chest. The plan is to give away at least half of it, to make space for more important things.<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The first to come out of the tangle is not junk jewellery. It’s a pair of gold hoops my mother believes she has lost. I think of old photographs of my mum, wrapped in silk saris that her parents had bought for her as appropriate post-marriage wear. She smiles into camera, presumably at my father, who she had met thrice before her wedding. She fits her form demurely against backgrounds she had only seen previously in Hindi films and on wallpapers in photo studios. She could have been a stereotype of an Indian wife or mother of the 60s, if it hadn’t been for the rings. They wink in spite of the British gloom around her, wild, gypsy-like, a tiny spark of individuality rebelling against a life vowed to conformity.<br /><br />I rediscover a silver pair my friends had given me as a farewell gift when I had left Mumbai. They were loopy, large and flamboyant and l had loved them instantly in the poor light of the restaurant. I remember wearing them for months afterwards, loving the way they swung against my neck when I shook my head. Come to think of it, I shook my head a lot those days. I hold them now against my ears and feel overpowered. When did my clothes fade so much I wonder. And when did I fade?<br /><br />Buried under the tangle is a pair that I’ve always disliked. My sister had given it to me when she had started working, and they’re well… hideous. Of course I hadn’t told her so, or anyone else. On the contrary, when a friend had remarked tactfully that the earrings weren’t my type, I had lied shamelessly about how beautiful they were, and defended my sister’s gawky demonstration of affection.<br /><br />I find a pair I had once hurriedly bought to wear at a traditional wedding. I hadn’t had the time to get the 22 carat stuff out of the locker, so I had paraded all evening in a pair of burnished brass imposters. I had beamed all evening at compliments without a twinge of conscience.<br /><br />There’s a set of earrings given to me by someone who I had loved once. And another given by someone who had loved me. The earrings are the only symbols left of both relationships. For the first time since I got them, I look at both pairs objectively, unclouded by feelings of hope, mush or guilt.<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The tangle reveals dozens more and before I know it the morning is gone. So is the afternoon. </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >I put aside the gold hoops to return to my mother. They are hers, even if she doesn’t need them anymore to express her individuality.<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The rest are mine, even though they may stand for things and values I've lost. I want to believe they're still there, hidden deep in me, waiting to be untangled and dusted. I make a start by putting all the earrings back into the box, promising them and myself, that one day I will be worthy again of each pair. </span>gaeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14663163660120742297noreply@blogger.com6